She’s so cute in my lap like this. One of the techs brought her one of the shitty fruit punch pouches they have in the mess hall, and she’s been curled up against me drinking it for the past few minutes. Her speech hasn’t quite come back, but she’s much calmer than she was half an hour ago during the disco. I can feel it over the link, but I ask anyways: “Feeling better?”

Little bit…

“That’s good hun. If you want me to help you onto the pillow so I can lie down next to you just-”

Please! Pretty pretty please that sounds really nice can we cuddle ma’am can we-

“Hey, hey, alright I hear you!” I laugh, as a flood of happiness bursts through the link, “Here, let me just… That’s it hun.” I gently lift her head off of my lap, rolling her onto the pillow, and lie down behind her. She presses herself against me and giggles.

Thanks…

“Of course hun” I whisper to her. I’m trying to encourage her to talk instead of using the link, but I don’t want to push her. I run my fingers through her hair, still whispering to her. “You did such a good job with that sim, little bird.”

Little bird?!

“Sorry, do you not like being called that?” Holly feels more alert, but I can’t make out what emotion she’s feeling that would cause that. Is she uncomfortable? “I just thought… since your middle name’s Dove-”

No no I like it, I like it! I really like it, it’s just… I’ve just never had anyone call me anything like that before…

She presses herself against me again. Her ears are bright red. “Oh, well then, I’ll keep that one in mind~” I’m glad she likes it because I like it too. It really is how I see her: A little bird who needs care. A little bird who I get to care for.

I’m starting to feel a little less overwhelmed. Being held by miss while she whispers sweet nothings to me is so nice… I can’t believe I’m officially a pilot now, and I really really can’t believe she’s my handler. Today feels like a dream.

“Wanna get some food anytime soon? Or are you gonna take a nap, or…”

Oh, right. Food. Astrid mentioning that reminds me that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. “yeah… food,” I mumble, struggling to force the sound through my lips. Being connected to the sim really made it hard to speak. It’s less about the emotional kick from disconnection and more that my body feels kinda shaky. It takes a lot of effort to keep my lips from trembling, so using the link is a lot more comfortable. Maybe eating would help. In pre-basic they told us that connecting to a mech would be draining but I don’t really know if this is what they meant… Either way I’m hungry.

“Alright little bird, do you wanna walk with me or should I just carry you the whole way~”

“like you even could” I pout. I can feel her smirking at me. I pull myself up, bracing my arm against the table. She gets up and sits next to me. I try to stand up but my legs feel like jelly. “…well. Maybe can you help me up…”

“Of course hun.”

She stands up and I use her arm as a support to pull myself onto my feet. Once I’m standing I feel a bit more stable. We leave the barracks and head to the mess hall, a wide room with a high ceiling and a bunch of tables. Not many people are around right now, so it must not be a normal meal time yet. I follow Astrid to the counter and she grabs a tray.

“Are we sharing?”

That sounds nice, actually. Plus it means I can let her pick food and not have to make decisions. “Yeah, let’s share.” She grabs a little bowl of granola from the breakfast section, and then makes a plate of rice, beans and chicken from things in the lunch section. Then she turns to me again.

“I’m not sure if I want dessert, but if you want something go ahead, okay?”

I just nod, and silently grab a chocolate chip cookie from the tray. Astrid smiles before turning to walk away, and it makes my brain all warm and floaty for a moment. I can tell she noticed, but she doesn’t say anything. I follow her to one of the tables and sit down next to her.

“Want any granola?”

“Only a little.” She offers me the bowl and I take a spoonful before handing it back. The rice and beans are really good, and the chicken is nice. I can feel my body shaking a lot less now that it has some food in it. Maybe I should mention that to the techs. I wonder how common that is… She takes a couple forkfuls of rice and beans, and finishes the granola, and once we’re done she takes my plate and stands up, looking me straight in the eyes. My own feel held, pinned, forced to maintain contact.

“Stay put. I’ll be right back, and then we can go.”

“Yes ma’am.” My legs feel like jelly again, in a… good way? I’m doing what miss tells me to. That feels good. That feels right. I pout and eat my cookie while she takes the dishes to the conveyor belt. I’m finishing it as she comes back, smirking at me. I can feel myself blushing as my eyes lock onto hers again reflexively.

“Good girl, Holly~ Alright, I’m ready to go, finish your cookie and then come on.” I click my fingers to punctuate my request. She blinks hard as I break eye contact, blushing even more. She really is cute when she listens so well.

I shake off the fuzziness in my brain and follow miss back to the barracks. We sit back down on the lower bunk, and she checks the time. “Is it late or anything?”

“Yeah, way later than I realized. We should get some rest, we’ve got more to do tomorrow. Which bunk do you want?”

I look at her silently for a few seconds deciding on whether or not I should ask the question on the tip of my tongue: Can we sleep next to each other?

“You alright hun? You look-”

“Together?” I blurt out.

“Oh hun of course we can sleep together~ I was kinda hoping you’d say that. Cuddling was nice earlier.”

It was nice. It was really really nice… I felt so safe and cozy with her… I mumble “yay” as she takes my hand and pulls me into her arms again. I snuggle into her and she holds me tight. After a few minutes I decide to roll over to face her, and I bury my face in her shoulder. I could almost cry right now. This is the safest I’ve felt in such a long time.

“You can cry if you need to, my dove.” I can feel how much she’s trying not to. I wrap my arm around her and rub her back as I whisper to her again. “It’s alright, I’m here, you’re safe.” I can feel her tears start to soak through my t-shirt as she clings to me a little tighter.

I’m sobbing uncontrollably now and she’s… she’s okay with it. She’s not telling me to “get it together”, to “man up” like my parents used to before I moved out. She’s telling me it’s gonna be okay, that it’s alright to cry, that she’s always going to be here for me… I don’t think I’ve ever felt this… loved. This cared for, this protected… As I’m crying into her shoulder and thinking about everything she means she kisses my forehead.

“Of all the pilots to be assigned, I think I lucked out with you. Sleep well, little bird.”

“You too miss.” I already feel myself starting to drift off. “And I think I got lucky too.”